Looking in the Rearview Mirror

I journal a great deal, especially when I am in Haiti.  But I've never really shared any of that publicly.  But I think today is a good day to share a little bit of what I wrote back in 2013.

“July 15:
I am sitting at EpiDor waiting for Steeve. Maybe I will be able to bear the next few days if he visits for a while. The last 24 hours have been very difficult for me - emotional ups and downs . . . mostly downs.

I feel so isolated up there at Children’s Lifeline. I hope it will get easier as the days go by. I don’t know why I feel this way . . .

Sitting here, I am beginning to wonder, “Have I become too comfortable where we are at MTH?” God is definitely stretching me.

Micah 6:8 is running through my mind: “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

Evening:
Lunch with Steeve was encouraging. He had the words to say that I needed to hear. He reminded me of how the Bensons are leaving and it’s God’s plan. He reminded me that God has a plan for my life - each moment.


July 17:
Today I went with Hillary, Assiah, and Robenson into PaP to do sponsorship work. Three different orphanages. All so different.

July 18:
From Dan Huffstutler’s Facebook this morning. Luke 17:10: “When you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’

What an incredible week of seeing a land God has not forgotten.”

This photo of this sign eventually led us back to the children I met on July 17 - the children we now have under our care.

You see, today, April 12, 2016, is a day that brought all of this full circle.  A day when I can look back and see how God was working everything together for good.

Without that difficult week, I would never have met Tyler.  We would never have become friends.  And I'd have one less person in my life who gets me, gets my love for Haiti . . . and loves Haiti just as much . . . if not more!  Tyler knows how hard that week was for me because he was right there to listen to me cry.  We didn't know each other before, but we became friends and have kept in touch ever since.  And I'm so thankful for that!

Without that difficult week, I would never have met the children we now consider part of our Haiti Awake family . . . children we feel tremendous responsibility for . . . children we know by name and love with our whole hearts.

First photo of Handy and me together.  Such precious memories!

Without that difficult week, I probably wouldn't speak nor understand Creole as well as I do because a little over a year ago, Tyler introduced me to Gloria Board who became my Creole teacher, as well as a mentor.  I love Gloria, and I am so thankful that God providentially put her in my life to help me learn and grow and understand more.  

 In June of 2014 Tyler and I got the opportunity to visit Gloria and her husband at their home in Haiti.  What a blessing that was! Gloria has helped me in so many ways in understanding and loving Haiti better. 

Today I got a series of photos from Polo.  He was at our orphanage . . . and Tyler was visiting with some of his friends from Children's Lifeline.  And I was so struck by the goodness of God in bringing all of the circumstances of the last three years together.  

Partnerships in Haiti are so important.   Those of us who love Haiti need each other.  We can't do this alone.

Three years ago I had no idea where we would be today.   No idea.  But God did.

“My God is awesome
He can move mountains
Keep me in the valley
Hide me from the rain

My God is awesome
Heals me when I’m broken
Gives strength where I’ve been weakened
Forever He will reign”

— Charles Jenkins

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.”

— Psalm 40:1

When Jesus Says Yes . . .

July of 2013 found me in Haiti for the 5th time.  But I was not in Port-au-Prince.  Instead, I was north of the capitol, in unfamiliar territory, with unfamiliar people, and feeling quite lonely and out of place.  In fact, I felt so "homesick" for PAP that the day after I arrived, I found a way to get back to PAP, and I asked Steeve to meet me at EpiDor to talk.

Once there I explained to him how miserable I was, how isolated I felt, how much I didn't think I was in the right place.  I was having trouble integrating with my team, I felt marginalized, I felt I had no place or purpose where I was.

Steeve reminded me that God has a plan in every situation, and he told me that I needed to stay where I was and learn what I needed to learn.

Two days later, I was still struggling to find my place with the team I was with, but another team welcomed me with open arms.  So I basically joined up with them, and I was invited to visit some orphanages back in the PAP area.

That day we visited three locations.  I had no idea where we were, and I did not know the people I was in the vehicle with.  I had never been involved with orphan care before, and this new experience tugged at my heart in a real way.

I remember seeing this sign in the first orphanage.  It had a profound impact on my thinking the rest of the day.  

That day we visited three orphanages, but one grabbed my heart in a special way.  And at that one orphanage, one little boy stole my heart.  His name is Handy.

When it was time to leave these children, I felt so helpless.  I had nothing with me that I could share with them.  Nothing but a pack of gum that didn't even have enough pieces for each child to have one.   As we drove away, my heart ached for those precious children.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

— James 1:27

Fast forward seven months.  Rick and I were taking a short trip to Haiti to visit Steeve and Manoucheka.  And I thought, "Hey!  We could see those kids again. We could take some things to them . . ."  Except there was one problem.    I didn't know where "those kids" lived, and I had no contact information for them.

But I had photos.  So I sent the following photos to Steeve and asked him if he could possibly find these children.  I knew it was a long shot, but I also felt God really wanted Rick and me to see these children.

And you know what?  I was right because Steeve found the director and was able to make contact with him.  He agreed to let us visit in February of 2014.

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The summer of 2014 found us once visiting the precious children under Federick's care.

“The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.”

— Psalm 146:9

“Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.”

— Psalm 87:3

The fall brought unexpected changes regarding Haiti for the Graves family . . . and the first Haiti Awake team in October of 2014.  It seemed like a natural choice to do a 4 day Bible school with these children who were quickly becoming a big part of each trip to Haiti.

And in January, the 2nd Haiti Awake team spent 4 days with these precious children.  We all felt there was more we should be doing for them.

And God has made that possible.  Through the generous monthly donations which have come in, we are now able to help these children in a real, tangible way each month.  They are "our" children.  There are still many needs (school, furniture, toiletries, more caregivers) and we need more monthly support, but we are doing SOMETHING now.  We are so thankful for what God has done.

God is sovereign over all circumstances in our lives. We don't always understand why He has us in the place He puts us. We might feel alone, forgotten, unneeded. But the beauty of those moments comes later when we can look back and see WHY God had us where we were . . .

I am thankful for that very hard week in July of 2013.  I'm now thankful that I didn't fit in with the team I *thought* I was supposed to be on.  I am thankful God had another plan.  And I'm thankful that He directs each step we take.

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

— Proverbs 16:9

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

— I John 3:16-18